the joke thread

post you jokes! heres a few.

PAPER BEATS ROCK,,? Fine then ,, I'll throw a rock at your face then you can try defending yourself with paper!!! Let me know how that works out for you ,, !

I went to go see the doctor today. They gave me this jacket that made me feel really special because it made me hug myself!

i used to hate weddings. greandmas would always walk up to me and say "you're next!"...
they stopped now because now when i go to funerals i go up to them and tell them they're next!

your dog is barking from your back yard door so you get him in, your wife is yelling from the front door to unlock the door. who do you let in first?
your dog because when you let it in it will shut up

Would I jump in front of a bullet for you? Hell no! If I had time to jump in front of it then you had time to move.

Daughter to mother: Why is the bride wearing white? Mother: Cause it's the happiest day of her life. Daughter: So why is the groom wearing black?

try to say 'Irish Wristwatch' have fun!

...Three nuns sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes by and flashes them. Two nuns had a stroke. One couldn't reach.

decided to keep a fake journal claiming I've done monumental things, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!

As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.







sorry there are lots but i could of done more!

Those are pretty good. I always forget jokes. I have so many great ones, I just don't remember any lol

A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

^ go away.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else,
it would have been called a teeth brush.

DillonV wrote:

^ go away.

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else,
it would have been called a teeth brush.

LOL

sticky?

yeah

BUMP
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

haahaha ewww